uneasy

At first, I wanted to say how I couldn't recall a time when I've been more anxious than now, as though the present moment is somehow altogether foreign that I haven't yet experienced; but upon sad reflection, how can I forget all those times I wanted to hide under a rock -- once, I wanted to stop writing in my journal (pure laziness in the wee hours) and thought it easier if I just recorded my thoughts in a small tape recorder, like Agent Cooper of Twin Peaks; it didn't last very long, in part because I kept wanting to stop, play, and re-record. I have lost that tape surely, but can recall lying awake under the covers with my tape recorder. So actually I meant to moan about how it gets harder to sort through things. And now would you believe that a Roy Orbison (sp?) concert is playing on TV?

Out of left field, a prof emailed me yesterday and asked if I might be interested in TA-ing for her class. Her area of teaching and research, however, is pre-1800 literature and thus I feel I am not the most ideal candidate for this particular class, not to mention that this pre-req undergrad class is LARGE class. Still, I am trying to convince myself, despite the disparate interests, that this chance would a be a good experience for me in seeing whether I can imagine myself teaching one day, if ever. I haven't commited yet, but oh, the thought sounds so overwhelming already. I've kicked off summer to weeks of moping, so is it possible to spend a summer filling some gaps in Old English, Middle English and 16th and 17th Lit? I could be working on my own project, though. Ugh. Would I just stray from what I should be doing? Tonight I picked up Butler's Undoing Gender and got through the introduction, which I enjoyed. More about how Pre-1800 prof got a hold of me out of the pool of students. Right now Blogger isn't allowing me to create paragraphs. (update: it works now!)