I've got a cat

Actually, Kitty belongs to my old college friend -- she is a big time zapper, but makes me forget my worries for just a little while. She's taken over some of my workspace, too, and sometimes rubs her cheek on the corner of my laptop. Cute. Wanted to watch "Cache" tonight but need to make up for loss reading/writing time today. Half the time I think I really am out of my mind. Glad Kitty is around -- probably more than I realize.

decluttering

4 -- or 5? -- weeks of left of lazing about the pad watching netflix and making vodka tonics. Getting agitated and confused and disappointed about a lot (including not so great Indian food up 2 blocks. hmm. no good Indian nearby).

• start reading text for TA-ship class (as soon as prof sends syllabus). holy crap (3x). biggest anxiety
• continue spending 2 hours on overdue paper that I was supposed to send out to ex prof weeks ago and is currently in bad shape -- or no shape.
• read a fun novel and really start looking for cultural materials for THESIS proposal. aaaah.
• go to library and look at THESIS manuscripts. Pooh.
• think about which classes will benefit me the most in regards to larger project: t-h-e-s-i-s.
• READ NOVELS, I tell you. You need a book to work on. C'mon, pick up a fun novel dagnabbit! suggestions?
• jog more often and clear the head.

I need a new mantra.

happy bullets:

• problem ex roommate is finally sending my security deposit
• reward? shoes? or wine glasses? or a haircut?
• Vh1 classics is playing the Pretenders "Brass in Pocket" as i blog this. :)

a tiny miracle

I haphazardly picked up Grosz’s Space , Time, and Perversion at the library today. La di da da la di da da . I was on the public transportation when I flipped through the introduction of her book and had a minor but awesome breakthrough in the paper I am attempting to refine. Un-flippin-believable. Shit, I thought, how did I forget to consider Foucault’s docile bodies? Anyway, it’s just a little piece in the paper that I need to add. So now i have to wake up early and work in a library or some coffee shop to piece things together.
Moments like these are great, especially since it is the summer. And boy, the summer is almost over!

warming up to the new place

It's true: I'm a terrible blogger. I've always -- okay, for as long as I can recall -- struggled with managing my time. Too much downtime this summer, that's for sure. My roommate and I continue to explore our new neighborhood -- or strollerhood, as we say. Yes, there are more strollers in the streets than dogs, or carts with groceries in 'em. In fact, next door from our apt is X-kids (that's right, not Gap Kids, though even that is within walking distance!), a store for every kind of baby gadget, toys, etc. It's like Target married Toy R us to form X-kids.

Not that it's a terrible change, of course, but I grew accustomed to the queer and dog friendly neighborhood for the last year or so. And now, now I live farther up the city that it truly feels like a whole other universe -- the right side of my street is quiet, residential, huge homes (with a lawn -- i'm not kidding; it's a trip), gourmet markets in "Rich Village" (which, uh, only has 2 -- TWO flippin' coffee shops: Starbucks and Peets!), and a public beach where you can see famous tourist attraction. Now, the left our our block is sort of known as a mini Asia World, as my friend called it, which means cheap produce stands, hardware and supply stores all within steps from our place! There are, thankfully, a few good places to eat: Turkish place with delicious salads, Peruvian (for ceviche -- score!), 3 bakeries (for fresh French bread, don't you know), a dozen Vietnamese, Thai, "Dim Sum to Go" -- what else, Burmese, Indonesian, Japanese, French Bistro and 3 Pizza joints (thank God). But the absence for us is Indian food and Mexican (can't live without burritos, you know?).

We have one huge used books and cds store, which is awesome, though I shop online for books. Three Irish pubs are just around the corner, which looks okay. So that's our new block. But no nearby Uni library. ugh. Lists are a comin'

today's horoscope -- okay, okay, I get it

Daily Overview for July 22, 2006
Provided by Astrology.com

Daily Extended Forecast

Quickie:Any darkness in your day will be illuminated by new thinking. Get out in the open.

Overview:At the end of your life, are you really going to wish you'd spent more time caring about what other people thought? Hopefully not! It's time to listen to your own desires and needs and start acting on them.

writing progress

Got a bit of work done today at the cafe with psych girl, which lifted my spirits b/c i've been feeling guilty about being behind on my paper. Nice to sit with a writing pal. I was thinking of putting together a summer writing group and post it on our listserve, but was kind of afraid to do so. Summer is half over! holy crap, holy crap, holy crap. If I make next Monday my fake deadline, I will probably get it back a week later b/c Former Prof is supremely busy. I've been delaying/avoiding sending it off because I think hightly of Former Prof and my paper is in a sad state, maybe even dated, too. I've been trying to modify my ideas (and edit edit edit) so that I can see how it is (or might be) part of a larger, important discussion in queer politics, but my head is so clouded.

what do you do when you've stared at a paper for so long? Lose perspective, that's me. But what does one do? take a break and reread and revise again? It is perpetually hard because my short breaks end up being like 1 week of "I don't want to look at this anymore. this is crap and i can't show it to Former prof at its crappy state. " I think Former Prof will really laugh or just be really, really disappointed. But I need feedback to get me excited to work on it again. Maybe just send it off at its current state? It might mean i've admitted weakness, though. Don't need to keep reminding Former Prof of my weaknesses.

this week is going to be hard because my roommate is moving in tomorrow and we are doing a whole cleaning, organizing and lining all the cabinet drawers with white covers. Maybe I can squirrel away for 2 hours a day? but even that is not nearly enough -- okay, whatever, it is something. At least I will have 2 hours to edit each day for one week?
I hate that summer is almost over.

No dinero -- the tagline of my summer -- wait, my life

(this was actually a post from two nights ago -- No internet at new apt yet)

I made myself cinnamon oatmeal two nights in a row -- not for dinner, I mean -- but as a kind comfort midnight snack as I think of my new place, my unproductive summer (thus far), and the overwhelming work ahead of me.

To my recollection, this has been the most of expensive summer I’ve had to date $2750 just for the move. I have paid my share of the July rent and deposit, my sublet room that I stayed in last week whilst looking for apartments, the storage for that week, and finally the calling the movers twice (once to haul my stuff in storage and then to redeliver to new place). Maybe I should be eating oatmeal for dinner?

I make of a note of the lack funds this summer because this is the beginning of what grad life is like for me. Not having financial comfort has such an effect on me, both mentally and emotionally. I’ve hated this move for various reasons: I am no longer within walking distance to my library, not even close to my new my home -- imagine the 10+ books I have to schlep around during finals? I've limited myself -- not my choice -- to one mode of transportation: two buses, which is a bit more unpredictable than the X- line. Buses tend to get crowded and the godawful stench makes the ride so depressing.

Last night I was having a wee bit of fun fantasizing about new dinnerware – e.g. do I want basic white plates or fun, pop art looking colored plates? So I visit online stores: Ikea, William Sonoma, Sur the Tableu, Jonathan Adler, Crate and Barrel, Urban Outfitters, Anthropologie. I think, well, I can get more basic white plates that will last me a lifetime. White plates -- classic, right? But my taste and mood might change, which means I should probably opt for fun dinnerware. As I eyed several plates of various designs and colors, I also looked at flatware, and then a set of knifes, teapots, and wooden salad bowls. I browsed at kitchen stuff for about an hour and then decided that this was not the time to be looking at flatware, so I began to look at lamps, which is a little more practical for a student on a budget. Who needs expensive dishware? I will always need a lamp -- make that several lamps.

So I decide that it’s time to hit the sack but first turn on the tube and try to watch some mindless tv to get me to sleep. And what do you know, it turned on to Oprah doing a segment on Debt diet! Couldn’t I just fantasize and dream a little longer? See, that was last night. Today I unpacked a bit and was cutting through the thick tape on my box, so la di da da I cut cut cut and whoops… I cut a whole through my favorite olive colored bed sheet! Drats. Now what? Can’t sleep with that hole, so now I’ll have to look for a new set. Maybe.

Bedtime: I’ll edit and fix typos later. This is why I should not blog after midnight: laziness overcomes me. Must blog about the pros and cons of the new apt.

Magnetic Fields - With Whom To Dance

gender bender fun

It's a cruel, cruel summer

Sometimes a long absence from the blogosphere can make things harder for me to get back into the blogging ritual. Do I start from the day I called the MOVERS for the first time in my life? And how I was insanely anxious about the possibility of crooked movers and losing all belongings -- every single thing that has some story behind it? Strange, no doubt, when I think of my life stored in boxes.

One of the movers made a joke about signing my life away – how could he?!! I tried to imagine what a new life – or hell – would be like if I had to start all over with nothing but one backpack that contains a laptop and two books (one borrowed from the library), plus a Puma bag with 2 pairs of jeans,8 t-shirts and 3 pairs of shoes. I had nightmares all week, of course! I mean, I am so ridiculously anxious about everything. How could this be me? Who gave me the worry-wart gene dagnabbit! When did I start worrying about so much crap? Crap, let me tell you. I mean Holy Crap, it’s July already!!

Soon to post: lots of bullets about the week in review. I’m so sleepy that I can’t even write about the hell of apt search this week; but I am happy to report that I have a new place. .