rants: it's bad when

(a) dinner is suddently around 10:42 pm; (b) showering at 2 am so as to save time in the morning ;(c) finally hitting the hay around 2:30 am (with damp hair so as not to wake up the roommate with the blowdrier!); (d) getting up for work at 6:30 am; (e) realizing that part-time work does not cover the $600 dollars in paying bills for the month of Jan ; (f) finally it is bad when I am completely lagging on my paper!!! Seriously, now I have almost 11 pages and it is still not in good shape.

I hope the universe grants me 4 restful hours that remain and not toss and turn or think about my paper one bit.

I want curl up too

I'd rather sleep than write, for sure.

indecisive

Half the day is gone now. The plan was to sit and try to finish my overdue paper; in fact, yesterday was my external deadline. I mean, I told my prof I'd have something done in two weeks, but technically now it is one day late, and it already 4:30 pm. Yesterday was at least productive as I managed to write 3 whole pages, which is a step up. Maybe I'm just sick of staying home and trying to write -- I used to be able to convince myself to work at a cafe, but schlepping my books and latop was always a question. I half wish I lived near campus again, since last semester I used to write in library and get something done. So now I just go for a quick walk to get my double soy latte (which I get free from cafe job, thankfully). In the last week, I've been doing lots of reading and scribbling notes that will end up on the paper. The problem is I've started like 3 or 4 drafts, all of which start in a different way but similar ideas. It's always like, should I start with a historical/literary context first? or should I begin with the actual topic and consider why it is worth studying? Or should I start in media res and write part of the "case" I am analyzing? Every time I read an article I am at a total loss. "I wish I can write like this" is what end up thinking.

I just need to write. I just need to write and finish (!) and then submit the blasted paper already! okay, so it is about 5pm and need to get something done before midnight, since I work at 6:30 in the morning. No golden globes and no looking at itunes or myspace music to listen to the Knife.