sick day

Having some kind of a daily routine -- reading at a café, preparing for class or heading to work-- is so much easier, if only to give me an illusion that I’m accomplishing things, working towards something. The downtime is killing me: I can’t seem to focus on anything for too long. I begin sorting papers, shredding bills, and putting a few things in boxes, but then I stop and spend the next 5 hours looking at apt listings and calling to make appointments. I can’t say I’m excited about any of these tasks; in fact, today I cancelled an appointment just because I was feeling out of sorts. I spent most of the day in bed, frequently looking at the time as though it mattered. I guess I’ve decided to make use of “sick days.”

I know that I feel unmotivated because I dread the labor of moving and thinking of financial woes of summer. Should I live in downtown? Certainly it is the center of all the shops, restaurants, but it is too busy and not an actual neighborhood. And then there are flats that are affordable but are either far from public transportation or kind of seedy and thus not a safe place to be walking about after night class. Then there are apartments near the beach, which is great if it were generally sunny here, but finally it is still far from center of the city, where I spend majority of my time. So I’ve just been wrestling with all of these choices. I’m also making this decision for my new roommate, who is an old college friend of mine. She has never been to the city and has no sense of the different neighborhoods and scenes. She has a cat and is highly allergic to carpet. It might take me a while to find a place we both like.

It’s no wonder I’ve been thinking of visiting my parents and friends. I want to get away from here for a while -- life here is a bit slow. I could remember a more idyllic summer, a time when all I wanted to do was devour a list of books. Now I’m not even numb enough to start reading again, let alone get out of bed.