Monday, June 12, 2006

to be a TA or not -- bullets of anxiety

Why I should be a TA for pre-1800 prof:
  • I need to push myself to do this -- don't want to regret now that I have a chance.
  • I can get a better idea of what it is like to teach professionally -- esp. with 100-ish students.
  • It's a pre-req class -- the students will probably be first and second year students; some might not even know what to major in yet -- I can do this?
  • the texts will be traditional works -- beowulf, chaucer, Milton-- which i've read at some point in my college career; and while I've not read the Fairy Queen, Spencer, and other sonnets, well, I have the SUMMER to fill the gaps in education.
  • If I work closely with the prof, ask how to approach certain texts and get advice and so forth, it may not be so bad; it's not like it is MY class. the students can come to me when they are too afraid to approach the prof. I just have to be REALLY prepared.
  • Re-reading the texts might help me with the Subject exam.

Why I should not TA:

  • This isn't my area of interest(!!!) -- what if something in me is so stubbon that even with "fresh" eyes I don't "get" the material? What if I don't get ideas?
  • I'm not experienced enough for this, surely there are better candidates with background in this area.
  • What if the students ask me all kinds of trivia questions that I have no way of answering on the spot? What if the students don't get what i am asking them to do?
  • I have serious anxiety speaking in front of any group -- large or small. I get flustered and can even get so self-conscious that I start tripping on my own words.
  • what if i have hard time leading the discussions? i'm such an introvert.
  • I'm not smart enough and certainly not funny to humor the students. I don't even think I like teaching. i really don't.
  • I'm so scattered. i wouldn't want pre-1800 prof to think that I was no help at all. I've not even met the prof and what if we do NOT mix? What if she expects auto-pilot TA? I need more guidance!!!

continued later...

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