I can't say how unfocused I have been this weekend -- it makes me sick -- but the paper I am working on was technically my low-stress paper. I thought I had things under control, had a fair idea of where I was going, even my main argument is essentially the same. But for some inexplicable reason I cannot seem to get myself to finish this damned paper. I'm trying to split my remaining tasks into three WORD documents: handouts, synthesis paper, and long paper, but in between juggling documents I am ready to weep, and there's always a looming fear that at some point I won't pull things together.
Also, I've always been plagued by the fact that I was never the type of person who planned things out, and I find it really bothersome in lots of ways, especially when I can't respond to questions that practically beg definitive answers. "What's the plan for the summer?" I don't know, nothing definite except visiting parents at some point, looking for a new apt, maybe working as well -- or not.
"What about after MA?" um, well, it's really hard to say when I am finding that many other issues are starting to outweigh the desire to even continue. On the other hand, I'm applying anyway and that's that. I really hate how these insecurities invade my thoughts when I need to focus on writing now, pronto. What the hell?
this may be a 2 am-ish night. I know I can do this, just three more friggin' days of the semester. let it be over. be over be over be over. goddamn be over.
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