what it's like now

It was passed 10 pm when I made salad, tomato soup, and pancakes for desert. I was so drained all day that I just ate in front of the tube. I glanced to the left to see myself in the mirror, eating my salad out of a tupperware, and it struck me to think of how many more years will I spend nights like this one--coming home from a night class, eating, reading a bit, and finally pulling myself away from books to catch some decent sleep. I think that perhaps I will never divorce myself from certain habits and rituals. I know of some friends who eat Mac and cheese regularly -- something I never really did myself, but can always sympathize with the comfort it brings.

A grad student in class mentioned how she spent Easter Sunday watching Beaches with her roommates. I chuckled. I thought of all the rituals I used to do with my then roommates in college, like taking naps in between classes. It always strikes me when I think of how long I've been in school and the year(s) still to come.


These days I barely even talk to my roommates. We simply go about our own lives, not opening ourselves to a genuine friendship. We know our time sharing the apt is short, maybe only a year. What's the point? I miss whining about my day when I get home. My roommate bawled some nights ago -- a frustrating event with a boyfriend, no doubt -- but I stayed in my room, worrying about my papers.